Literally me.

"My life is like Friends, except no Rachel, Ross, Monica, Phoebe or Joey, just Chandler in a room by himself laughing at his own jokes."

I am Chandler, Chandler is me, we are one. 

I love the television show Friends, and i was surfing the web and saw this, it was just too funny to not post!

Also, soon there will be a giant post, It is a school project, don't be alarmed. I will go into more detail on the actual post.

Well, this is awkward.

What am I doing with my life?

Nobody cares.

Okay gonna go now before this gets any more philosophical and deep.

OH MY GOSH.

Okay so we all know this blog is not poular by any definition, BUT, for the first time ever "WE" have broken 100 views of this blog in one day.. YAAAAAS!!!! I'm so happy right now it's kinda pathetic.

THANK YOU RANDOM PEOPLE WHO READ MY COMPLAINTS ON THE INTERNET :)

I am so thankful for the fact that all of your lives are so boring you have the time and energy to read my posts. So, thanks.

*really random post*

*a lot of use of the word Thanks*

*sorry*

*eep*

Might as well just shun me now.

Hello blogosphere, It's me again, and this post is slightly overdue but I have just been "busy" (extremely lazy) so I have not written anything.

Well, you're probably wondering about the title and thinking "No! we would never shun you we love you!" Who am I kidding, nobody is saying that. I'm typing to myself as usual.

I DYED MY HAIR

Well, sort of.

I dyed the tips of my gorgeous red locks black. So far no elderly people have shunned me for my sins, but its only been a week. 

So yes, my minions, I have become rebellious and cool. Bow down to me :)

I also started wearing mascara, It's been a week and I'm already done with the whole not-being-able-to-rub-your-eyes-thing. So done.

This all happened while my best friend was in Cuba, soaking up the sun, without me, not even worrying that I may do something drastic like pretty much do anything I've ever said I wouldn't do. Boy, was she surprised. I posted a picture (a SELFIE, nonetheless) of my hair and when she got back she saw it and freaked out. Then, at school the following day, I walked in and she caught sight of me, her rebellious best friend, and barreled down the hallway towards me and my other friend Zara hid behind me because a barreling Marlee is a dangerous Marlee. She crashed into me and immediately started screaming and analyzing every new thing about me. In front of everybody, In the crowded hallway, It was great.

Anyway, that's that.

Hopefully you guys (one person who actually reads this thing... I know that you're out there) enjoyed this little rant thingmadoodle. 

'tis a picture of my beautiful monkey face

Point Proof Explanation Paragraphs

I consider myself a human being, a creative one at that. 

I do not like structure, I feel it dampens my naturally creative spirit.  

This, is why I, as a human (as opposed to a rule-following robot only concerned with grades), do not like the "Point-Proof-Explanation" paragraph style. 

In this dead fish of writing structure, you do not actually need a single brain cell to write it. It follows a very specif pattern of: 
1) telling the "Point" you will be arguing in your paragraph.
2) finding "Proof" (usually in the form of a quotation from a text you were forced to read.) and properly citing it (Mooers 17). 
3) In an essay, the "Explanation" part is where you explain how your  "Point" relates to your thesis, stated in your equally dead and equally fish-smelling introduction paragraph.

I constantly voice my strong distaste for these paragraphs, including on multiple occasions, arguing with my English and history teachers to let me write MY WAY. I never win. So, my creative mind is forced to think scientifically and logically (for anybody who knows me, you know that I am not a logical person). 

Anyway, That's it.. Unless I find something else to complain about today.

How to identify a hipster.

As I was walking down the city streets of downtown Toronto, my eccentric mother asks "what is a hipster?" I laugh, and reply "dearest mother, a hipster is an individual who tries to be different and refuses to "conform" or fit into a group of people. While that is not a true assumption. They fall into a group all their own, The Hipsters."

HOW TO IDENTIFY A HIPSTER.

I. "The Look"

Hipsters can be seen wearing the following: 

• beanies 
• doc martens
• OODLES OF PLAID
• ripped jeans or rolled up chinos
• mustaches and beards are popular for the men
• other utilitarian boots
• strange flat shoes that i do not know the name of
• "douche" haircut (shaved sides, floppy bit on top)
• MORE PLAID
• unkempt appearance, "just-got-out-of-bed-and-I'm-homeless-chic"
• skinny jeans for men, baggy "mom jeans" complete with pleats for women
• hoodies, probably american apparel.
• HIPSTER GLASSES (glasses with thick frames and a sort of block-y, geometric appearance)
• cigarettes (all.the.time)
• messenger bag filled with records of random indie bands, more cigarettes, some sort of apple device, something vintage probably, money (it is still unclear as to where hipsters get money from), journal (full of brooding thoughts and comics depicting corporate greed), a couple pens.
• tattoos 
• often carrying some sort of local Starbucks spin-off drink.
• constantly wearing hats
• scarves they knitted themselves

II. "Where to Spot a wild Hipster in it's natural Habitat"

Hipsters are typically seen in one of 3 places:

1. Concerts, of Indie bands that *shhh* don't actually exist
2. Aforementioned "Starbucks spin-offs" and other coffee-house-like I.N.D.E.P.E.N.D.A.N.T food eatery.
3. In their equally hipster-ized lofts, complete with wooden rafters and all the vintage doohickeys you can imagine!

III. "The Rules"

There are very strict hipster rules, to be in this group that has formed out of people who claim to be independent and refuse to "conform" to someone else's ideas... Hmmm... Makes perfect sense *she types with some sarcastic sass*.

• DO NOT be happy that you're favorite "band" (they actually don't exist) won... anything. No record contracts. no recognition, no nothing. You just want them to be eternally struggling and practicing in their garages.
• DO NOT CONFORM
• HATE MAJOR CORPORATIONS... except for apple, apple is life.
• DO NOT shower... ever... seriously. (If you do happen to get clean somehow, go outside and roll in a mud puddle, to achieve that "authentic" look.
• ALWAYS drink obscure alcohol brands that may or may not have WHMIS labels on them... :/
• PENCILS ARE MAINSTREAM. pens, however are widely accepted among the hipster community, because of their obvious individuality.
• RECYCLE, SAVE THE PLANET always.
• IF YOU OWN a car, you are contributing to the major oil companies success, instead, the hipsters suggest you ride a USED bike, yes, even in the winter. Have fun.
• ALWAYS have records and a record player (because.. vintage), even though you're obscure "bands" don't make records, and you actually listen to their music on your BRAND NEW TOTALLY NOT MAINSTREAM IPHONE 6+.
• IF you are a man, you must have a mustache and a massive beard.
• GET (or make) a journal, to write all your brooding hipster thoughts in.
• DO NOT take your hat off indoors 
• In your "hipster home" you must have at least an entire forest's equivalent of exposed wood throughout home.
• NEVER look happy, if you smile, you will be shunned from the hipster community.
• as part of your initiation into the hipster community, you will be required to knit a scarf.
• THRIFT STORES ARE LIFE

And that, is an extensive guide to finding and identifying your very own hipster!