Sunday 28 December 2014

To Stay In or to Go Out? The World Dating Crisis...

*wrote this a long time ago... bear with me*

Stay in and cuddle while watching TV or to go out and have an adventure with your sweetheart (I wonder where that word comes from?? Did someone eat their significant other's heart and thought it tasted sweet so they started calling everyone else they dated (or maybe in those times "courted") sweetheart)? This is the constant question people (everyone in the world but me) asks themselves while dating. While there is a strong pull to just put some comfy clothes on, tie up your hair, no makeup and get a movie with your sweetheart while cuddling on the couch.. stealing kisses every few minutes (OMG I'm so lonely!!!). There is also an equally strong pull to get all fancy and to go have an awesome adventure full of surprises with that special person (wow. not feeling the funny-ness today are we)? Everyone has issues when trying to decide whether to stay in or go out for a date so here are some steps to help make this decision easier... (not that I would know, I've only ever dated one person in my life and we all know how THAT went...)

1. What do you do more? Stay In or Go Out?

 If you usually stay in for dates, Go Out but also if you usually go out it might be nice to Stay In.

2. Are the conditions right?

If you're planning to do something outdoors, how will the weather be? If you've decided to make a snowman together or just to go have fun in the snow.. make sure there will be snow on that day (duh). If you want to go to the beach together, Its always nicer to go on a sunny warm day rather than a rainy, gloomy, and just overall poopy (hehe) day.

3. ALWAYS ask your partner first what they feel up to.

Say your partner is feeling sick, they are most likely not going to want to go outside or to go anywhere period. So keep that in mind. (also you probably think that "She" might want you to go over to her house and take care of her.. well if she's anything like me *most girls aren't* she doesn't want to see anything or anyone and she's perfectly capable of nursing herself back to health, she doesn't need YOU to do it for her.)

4. Use common sense.


If you have a partner who doesn't like playing soccer, don't make a date to go play soccer for 3 hours... (COMPLETE AND UTTER TORTURE) They (I) will probably not enjoy it. If your partner says they would rather stay in, LISTEN to them. If you might not be the most financially supercalafragalisticexpialadocistic at the time, don't plan a huge, extravagant expensive dinner and then a movie if neither of you can afford it. This would be a good time to maybe stay in if you are both BROKE.

NEW YEARS GOALS (lol), An Abundance of Katherines, and SEXY MULLET-CLAD MERMEN ESCAPING THE EVIL SEAWEED CLUTCHES OF WARTY BEINGS.

I am so incredibly bored right now.

I have been watching the Star Wars movies for the last 24 hours with countless interruptions, played Sims 4 to my wits end, and (more times than I care to admit) have checked my phone to find nothing waiting for me (big surprise).

So, I am going to make up a list of my New Year's resolutions for 2015.

1) Attempt at good grades
2) TRY not to go completely bezerk one day and attack a City.
3) Acquire another boyfriend, him being preferably not psycho, needy, annoying, he will not get bored of me, someone who actually remembers what i told them to do... (So pretty much I will be dating myself) 
4) I am actually going to try and do my Homework. (HAHA that's a good one..)
5) Don't offend any of my poor, poor friends. As they put up with me for some unknown reason to the universe and i really should be nicer to them.
6) Maybe, I'll actually post on this thing.. (Resolutions are meant to be broken right?)

Also, I kind of want to kill the whole male gender... Perfectly normal.

*RANDOM THOUGHT POKED INTO MY MIND* OOH! I am reading this book called An Abundance of Katherines by John Green. I would recommend this book to anybody who is going through a tough breakup, as it captures the crushing, abhorrent pain of a broken teenage heart astoundingly.

*ANOTHER RANDOM THOUGHT* On the weekend, among the plethora of holiday parties I was forced (against my free will) to make an appearance at I found myself watching Barbie: Mermaidia with my 17 year old cousin at my 6 year old "relative" (don't exactly know how she's related to me, but i know she is somehow)'s request. The movie wasn't horrible as Barbie movies go, as it had some sort of a plot going for it, in a refreshing turn of events. For short, Barbie's-mermaid-friend's-BAE was taken by ugly, warty life forms. He was then bound and hung from his tail with seaweed rope. Barbie and Barbie's-mermaid-friend (forget her name) then saved the mullet-clad BAE in question and then he burst out of the seaweed restraints holding him, in a slightly sexual way, or that's what my mind got out of it anyway... 

My cousin then said i should write a erotica scene featuring the mullet merman and his rippling golden muscles as they burst out of the seaweed.

That, precisely is what I'm about to do.

THE MULLET MAN.

He could feel the tension in his body, The seaweed was wrapped so tightly around his rippling biceps. The girls watched him. He began to puff his chest, the girls sigh. He moves his upper arm, the girls look hungry. He realizes they like his struggling. Moving his perfectly toned body in what some people might call a squirming motion, he bursts free from the seaweed shackles holding his body, roaring a mighty roar (sorry had to add that part).

… and that’s it


(THIS is the "Mullet Merman" in question...)


Sunday 21 December 2014

Hello there

Hello Blogosphere, It's me here again. and i broke up with (or maybe he broke up with me.. or maybe we are on a "break", I don't know..) my boyfriend recently. However, I had written a letter for him that i was going to give to him, but now... not. But I like it and i think its really good and i haven't written a post in a while so, here it is:

Hey Link (mwahahahahaha changed his name still),

It's your birthday on Saturday.. (16 OH MA GERDNESS) and I have absolutely no clue what to get you. So, I'm going to go for the sweet, heartfelt approach (the cheap ass approach) and write you yet another letter about where our relationship is right now and where I hope it goes (spoiler: I hope it goes forever and ever and ever and yes) also I'm doing this because we both know I SUCK with the whole "speaking" thing. 

I love you. Just had to get that out of the way. At this current moment in the space-time continuum you are in St. Catherine's doing your THIRD FREAKING PARADE of the weekend (bravo, bravo)!! And as usual I miss you a lot. I am listening to one directions new album on repeat, eating tomatoes and writing this stupid thing. Wow, this is embarrassing. Anyway, last night I "met" Cameron (over the phone)… I've also met your dad and had the pleasant experience of trying to shop with you. That reminds me, I need to get some handcuffs still :/ !! Our relationship is.. erm.. SPECIAL to say the least. For one, we've only been dating for 2 and a half ish moths and I've like, changed in front of you and what's even weirder is that I'm totally comfortable with it :$. It feels like we are a (really awesome) old married couple. I'm always fixing your sleeves and messing with your hair and you're already having to deal with my period-induced mini meltdowns. You know so much about me already it freaks me out sometimes.. You know when I'm not okay, you can see when I've had a crap day and I just need a good cuddle. I love you for that. This is so mushy I "can't even". My foot just fell asleep.. It's that weird feeling when it feels like elastic bands on my foot and it tickles and crap but it's painful all at the same time?? Do you know that feeling? Of course not.. I'm insane. Hey!! I can make this sweet.. That pleasurable constricting feeling is what I feel whenever you touch me or kiss me or even look into my eyes. it feels like my stomach is shrivelling in on itself (in a good way) and it hurts but pleasurable all the same. This really is not turning out how I imagined.. okay so we will leave that whole "situation" alone. Ew. I have Emily's birthday party on your birthday and I don’t really want to go so I'm going to use you as an excuse…  BEST EXCUSE EVER. 

Where I hope this is going? Well I'm going to sound like a love crazed teenage girl here (which I am) but if I'm honest I see it going for a very long time. We might break up a couple times in our 20s but in the end, we will be together and be happy and marlee will cry at our wedding.

Also, random: if you get invited to another "alcohol party" and I'm in Burlington and I'm invited too I want to go? If that’s okay with you, I've always wanted to go to one… so yeah 

Another random thought: Wouldn’t it be awesome if we saved all these letters and read them when we were older and still together? That'd be really cool to look back at how cute and innocent we were back in high school (Also when I was still a stuttering, awkward, virgin) and that’s a luxury a lot of relationships don’t have.. but we will :$

Attached: is a story/recount of the first time we hung out from MY perspective… HOPE U LIKE IT!! (I don’t remember all the details so bear with me here)

That FRIGGING bike path. 

A story recount of the first time you and I hung out, From my point of view.

It was the 1st of August 2014 (?Questionable Date?) and it was freaking HAWT. But I ignored the heat because today was the day I was meeting you. Nothing could ruin my mood. Not even the fact that my hair was NOT "happening" that day… Also, of course I had run out of shorts to wear so I improvised and cut up an old pair of buffalo jeans. I then wrangled my hair into semi-presentable bun, took out the bun, put it back in the bun, took it out again and finally decided "screw this shit" and left it down. Then I threw on a old comfy white t shirt and put on my new favourite scarf.. Yes it was a million degrees outside and yes, I being the smartical particle I am, put on a SCARF. See? you were already making my common sense go to shit and I hadn't even met u yet.  

BUT, I was ready like 2 hours early so I sat on my bed and watched Netflix of course.

Then you texted me saying you were walking or "on da mooove" and I was distracted with watching Orange Is The New Black. SO.. I finished my episode and set out to meet you. (with Birkenstocks on my feet.. and believe it or not this was a strategic move… You'll see why in a minute)

I was early to Long and McQuade of course so I sat down on the picnic bench under the tree. I was PARANOID that my dad was going to come back because I kinda maybe told him I was leaving to hang out with Kayleigh and a bunch of her friends when he went to get his haircut (two hours before I was supposed to meet you) so naturally he'd probably be wondering why I was sitting alone on a bench two hours after he thought I'd left. 

Then, you texted me asking where I was because you were there.. and I said sitting on the picnic bench. I was looking around trying to find u and I was so nervous that I was finally meeting you IN PERSON or that you were going to turn out to be really ugly and yeah…  I think I skimmed across you three or four times before you waved and I recognized it was you. YOU. Like, the guy who id been texting for roughly a month and the guy who I had fallen for even though I knew it was quite improbable that you were going to date me, as you had a girlfriend who you loved a lot, and I could tell. So I backed off. (or tried not to flirt or anything.. still don’t remember if I was successful or not). Anyway, I had met you. And you were perfect, which wasn't helping the whole you're-not-allowed-to-like-him-you-dingus-he-has-a-girlfriend-who-he-loves thing. 

We started to walk down the street with Long and McQuade on it.. (forget the name) and the awkward small talk commenced…

I never finished it...






Saturday 8 November 2014

Family Members and strangely Lonely People (Marlee) Overt your Eyes.

Okay so as most of you (one person..) know if you have read my last post is that I have acquired a boyfriend. I used the alias of "Link" (as in the Legend of Zelda franchise character, yes) because I didn’t want to use his real name, and then he'd get cyber stalkers and then he might feel a slight bit uncomfortable with having cyber stalkers (don’t blame him) and then he will be doubting our relationship and then he will go out on a date  with one of his cyber stalkers that read the praise I have given him on this blog and they have fallen for him too… *I have a vast imagination.. if you couldn’t tell* so to any potential cyber stalkers: BACK THE HELL OFF BI**ES HE'S MINE!!!

So, you know how teen couples these days post their ENTIRE relationships (including badly taken kissing selfies and huge, misspelled paragraphs that are an insult to the English language) all over the friggin internet for everyone to see and that absolutely nobody actually cares about? Yes? Ok. I, for one hate them as much as the next 'too-young-to-be-bitter' teen does. So, I had an idea.. Why not post a mush fest on my blog that nobody looks at ?? YES! it’s a perfect plan, and that’s what I'm here to do :)

'MUSH FEST.doc' DOWNLOADING…

SAVING…

*'save bar' (?) gets to 99.9 % done*

Uh Oh! It seems the document 'MUSH FEST.doc' you are looking for is still open on your 
device. Please locate the file, close it and try again.

*rages at computer and curses technology*

*still raging*

*yeah.. this could take a while*

*okay, finally done.. where were we?*

*still grumbling under her breath, finds file in the darkest corner of cyber space, closes it, and then tries again*

'MUSH FEST.doc' DOWNLOADING…

SAVING…

DONE!

MUSH FEST - Microsoft Word       

Okay so you've been warned…

Link.

Link is my amazing boyfriend of two months. He is funny, charming and the biggest geek I've ever met. we started as friends and *I can't believe I'm about to type this next half of the sentence* like a flower blooming *oh god* our relationship bloomed *MY EYES!!* :) I love him and I'm not sure why. He just makes my stomach flutter and my brain melt. All my common sense and sometimes ability to speak suddenly goes out the window *POOF* I've followed him down countless alleyways and id follow him down the darkest, sketchiest alley way *Figure of speech.. I am not going down any alleyways that scream sketch fest anytime soon* :$ I love you Link and I'll never, ever, never no. leave you.

*closes 'MUSH FEST.doc'*

OH MY GAWD IM SO SORRY YOU POOR SOUL ILL NEVER PUT YOU THROUGH THAT AGAIN… NEVER. ARE YOUR EYES BURNING OUT OF YOUR FACE? DO YOU NEED A BAND-AID (yes, I just suggested a band-aid to fix an eye burning out of its socket.. I never said I was a doctor…)? THAT ACTUALLY KIND OF HURT TO WRITE AND NOW I HAVE TO POST IT ON THE INTERNET BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY WELL WRITTEN AND IM REALLY HAPPY AND ROMANTICAL ALSO BECAUSE I JUST WATCHED "If I Stay". OH LORD HELP ME.


Saturday 1 November 2014

Long Time No See!!

HI!! 

Oh my sweet baby jeebus its been a long time hasn't it? Too long. Well hi, (again) and I have not died, which is good I guess and a lot has changed since I was last relevant in the blogosphere (who are we kidding.. I was never 'relevant' in the blogosphere, I MAYBE have one fan.. and to that fan, I say thank you) and I'm here to fill you in on all the juicy "deets".

Anyway, since I last complained about my life to the internet for no apparent reason I have ACQUIRED A BOYFRIEND!! like, a real life living, talking, funny, amazing, cute BLAH BLAH BLAH sweetheart and if you couldn't tell, he is a factor I am very happy to have lured into the crazy bear trap that I call my  life. Also, I started trying *operative word here... trying* to wrangle my gelatinous blob of a life into something I can actually use (getting my volunteer hours, a job.. etc.). 

One of the main reasons I just figured out to use as an excuse for why I haven't been posting is because I haven't really had anything to complain about. I guess for me this is a good thing, but for my all of one fan (I LOVE YOU) I have out there who does NOT know me personally it's not such a good thing and I'm sorry for that. :)

OOH!! another thing.. I have learned how to type faster! which is also good thing because ever since I rebelled against those horrid typing programs in elementary school *sooooo cool*, I have been an inexcusably slow, monogamous and quite frankly just BAD typer (?) !!!

Okay so… My one fan, let me take you on a well deserved journey of what has been going on in my life for the past... while.

Well first, let's tackle the major issue on your mind.. HOW did I get a boyfriend?? Well. Where to start? Okay, June 28 2014.

This was the day I met my beau-to-be. On Facebook of all places. We both commented on my cousins photo and then talked pretty much nonstop for the whole summer. There was only one (well, two) "hiccups" in this whirlwind summer love story. "He" (the boyfriend in question) had a girlfriend... and then after her, another one. This was a horrid experience that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and if you, my one amazing fan is a girl by chance.. and have EVER went through the pain of your crush (girl or guy, I don't judge) "picking" someone else to date rather then you... well, you know my pain sista *strange little twiddling fingers action that those two girls that nobody liked on Hannah Montana used to do*!!! (and if you are a boy, then this is a very awkward moment.. moving along).

This boyfriend of mine does have a name, and since I don’t feel like texting him right now and asking him if he wants me to use his real name or not, I will make up a different one. Link (as in from the Zelda videogames). Yes, we will go with Link, because this companion of mine is a geek through and through so I feel he will be pleased with this name.

Sooo.. where was I? Oh yes, the pain of your crush "picking" someone else… Well, don’t get the wrong idea. Link is NOT in any way, shape, or possible form to be considered a "playa".  He, in fact is the furthest thing from. You see, he had a girlfriend ("hiccup" number one) when I started to talk to him.. she then dumped him after deciding her ex was much more.. appetizing (don’t ask, just go with it). Then Link was emotionally distraught so, his best friend set him up with this girl ("hiccup" number two) and that lasted I think 2 weeks (?). But… now comes the good part. Where the lame, slightly deranged heroine ACTUALLY GETS THE GUY.

YES! It does happen sometimes. When the un-"wife up"-able girl gets the guy she's been chasing for two months. Been there every second he needed her. Through the stay-up-until-3am-with-him messy breakup and the new girlfriend. Every bad day and good, the one who kept yelling at herself inside while her feet throb from following this boy down a fricking LONG bike path to NOT FLIRT because he has a girl already. Her. She finally gets the guy.

September 3 2014.
YAAAS! we have finally reached my favourite part. The part where all of the s**t I did over the summer FINALLY PAID OFF. You see, while talking over the summer I had been using my irresistible redhead charms on Link. And as you can see they totally worked! So, on September the 3rd, 2014 Link asked me out over text.. and as any 16 year old girl would do, I was conversing with my best friend, Marlee about what was happening. I then answered with a HELL YES, squealed into my pillow and the rest is history J   


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
*strange little twiddling fingers action that those two girls that nobody liked on Hannah Montana used to do*



    I never said I was good at editing…

Wednesday 27 August 2014

???

I DON'T EXACTLY KNOW… SO NO JUDGING

I'm currently at my dad's, and I don’t even know why I'm currently writing this. But one thing is for sure… there's some bad energy (or JU-JU) floatin' around here. I know what you're all thinking (all, one of you guys… yes you… I like you) BAD "ENERGY" like, as in paranormal type energy and shat? Yes, as in paranormal type energy and shat. I just happen to believe in all that… and my dad's house has some seriously depressing "JU-JU" happening at the moment.

This "JU-JU" happens to be putting me in a very angsty-sad sorta mood so as always, I'm going to be writing about it.

Except for one *teensy weensy itty bitty* problem. I'm having some serious writers block. As I'm reading this over actually its quite terrible. Enh. Screw depressing JU-JU, im gonna write about 5 random topics generated by typing 'random topics' into Google (life saver!!) Be right back.

Hi. I'm back. and thanks to www.blogtap.net I've got my 5 random topics.

1) PS1 or N64?

2) How to make your own keyboard (?)

3) Nuclear Physics

4) Fun things to do with your lunch

5) Finding your soul mate

Okay… Now to (attempt) to write something sorta entertaining on these very random, unrelated topics.

PS1 or N64? (Playstation *One* or Nintendo 64 gaming consoles)

Okay so I wouldn’t consider myself a "gamer" but I'm also not a "cool person" (by a long shot) nor have I played on either of these consoles. So this is going to be a completely botched, unreliable Review I guess on which one is "better" by… asking the internet (what else?) And according to the gamer people who actually know what they're talking about on  classicgameroom.com … the consensus seems to be the *drum roll* PLAYSTATION (one?) !! Yay?

How to make your own keyboard (?)

Hmm.. well umm… You uhhh you start with… With the computer-y thingy? You know the green thing? and you umm you get some piano keys, a wooden plank (spray painted black…) and some crazy glue then smoosh it all together so it *kind of* resembles a keyboard and VOILA you’ve got a brand spanking new keyboard!!! (as long as you, you know didn’t want to USE IT or anything ridiculous like that..)

Nuclear Physics

? I don’t even know where to start… umm…

*FUN FACT: while typing 'Nuclear Physics' into Google… I spelled Physics wrong TWICE (Psycis)*

If you understand this next paragraph.. Props

Nuclear physics research is focused on understanding the matter composed of quarks and gluons, which makes up 99% of the mass of the universe. Most of this matter is found at the core of atoms, the same atoms that comprise all we see around us (including ourselves). Researchers seek to answer questions such as how the universe evolved just after the Big Bang from a super-hot plasma of quarks and gluons, how the different elements of the universe were formed, and how a nucleus is made up of individual protons and neutrons interacting with each other with the strongest force in Nature. The protons and neutrons themselves are the basic bound states of quarks in the universe; how these states are formed from quarks interacting with the gluonic field described by Quantum Chromodynamics is still only poorly understood, and under active study.

From: http://phys.colorado.edu/research/nuclear-physics (people who know what the eff half of this means..)

Fun things to do with your lunch

Eat it. <> Put it in a funkalishious container (no more boring, brown paper bags for you!) <> Dance with it <> Cuddle next to a campfire with it <> Send it "I'm going to eat you now" and "I ate you.. sorry" texts <> Let go of a floating lantern with it <> Have a condiment fight <> build a tree house <> bake a perfect rainbow cupcake (?) and eat it instead of your bologna and cheese sandwich that’s been sitting in your backpack for 3 hours (YUMMY)

*I typed "Fun stuff to do with your boyfriend" into Pintrest and it came up with "Boyfriend and Girlfriend to do list" then I made some of them lunch related.. clever no?*

Finding your soul mate

You know, I could probably go on for paragraphs and paragraphs about "find someone who makes you be a better you" and "find someone who 'gets you'" but I'm not going to do that. A 'soul mate' in my eyes could be human, canine, feline, shmegmaphatempine (completely made up word meaning "your imagination"), anything. As long as you and they (or it) feels the same about you and remember: You cannot force someone into love, you can only give them (or it) a million good reasons to do it themselves (hopefully with you).

Goodnight! (or good morning, I don't know what time it is)

Sunday 20 July 2014

Huhhh.... *sigh*

*i'm in high school, its mid July, we get our report cards and schedules mailed to us in the summer...*


MY MOTHER LOST MY FREAKING REPORT CARD AND SCHEDULE!!!! Honestly, I leave the woman alone for one week and all I ask of her is to NOT LOSE my government-y envelope coming from the school board.. And what does she do? LOSE THE FREAKING ENVELOPE!! (mothers, what are they good for when they can't even keep track of one measly envelope? They can keep a small raisin-like human alive for 18 years, easy… but when it comes to them keeping track of an envelope? NADA!)



Monday 7 July 2014

a teenagers perspective on love.

   Love  a ridiculous concept when you think about it. I mean, being willing to risk your life for one person, wanting to be with them for the rest of your life, sharing your bed with someone (Eesh!). All because of one person who just waltzed into your life one day and you (or your hormones) decided it would be a good idea to rely on this one person like you need them to live… it's insanity in disguise.

   The Hollywood definition of love is kisses in the rain, pebbles being tossed at your window in the middle of the night (which, by the way, I think is so freaking creepy and most girls DO NOT look that good at that time of night *Sorry ladies, but someone had to let the cat out of the bag*… nor do they want to be woken up out of their delusional  Twilight Edward vs. Jacob fighting over their love like it’s the last slice of meat lovers pizza or something dreams.) and the fact that EVERY TIME the nerdy (yet cute) guy falls dramatically in love with the super b**ch cheerleader who doesn't give him a second look but by the end of the movie they're practically married.  Because my chiquitas, that just doesn't happen (okay, maybe to like one in a billion highschoolers… maybe) in real life, and the poor nerdy guy (or girl) does not end up with the super b**ch cheerleader.

   Okay, so have any of you noticed that there are practically no strictly gay/lesbian love stories being published as books or made into movies? Yes? Well I think that since 98% of the writers and movie people (I don’t know who makes movies) don’t have any (lady) balls, and quite frankly I think they need to "strap on a pair" and GET TO WORK! *with the exception of Cassandra Clare, the author of the Mortal Instruments and the Infernal Devices series, where in the mortal instruments series there is a gay romance story in the background between Alec Lightwood and Magnus Bane (eep!). Way to go Cassie! However, even in this book ITS IN THE BACKGROUND.* I think there needs to be a book (a popular book) focused on a pair of gay/lesbian lovers (they can be vampires, werewolves, witches, warlocks, demigods, ghosts, ghost whisperers, unicorn-squirrel human crossbreeds, WHATEVER) there just needs to be one.

   Familial Love. Familial love is a special kind of love, it relates to when your family is the craziest bunch of nut jobs you could possibly assemble together at one time and you have to love them, because they're all you’ve got. Familial love is the kind of love that a mother and child have or the love between siblings (even though it is not always present).

   The main difference between familial love and romantic love is usually you do not have the urge to "jump" your grandma. Romantic love is a need to be with an (at one time) complete stranger  who you, for some unknown reason have told all your inhibitions and fears to and you’ve opened up to this person and practically given them a knife to put through your heart at any given second, but because you’ve watched way too many movies and you're blinded by the idea of love, you don’t see the power you're giving this person to hurt you.

*to any prospecting boyfriends of me (so, nobody), this is now MY definition of the phenomenon of love.*

MY Definition of "Love"

1) Good morning/ Goodnight texts (YAAS) -- this shows you're thinking of "her"

2) Holding the umbrella for your "girl", and other little things you do for her that you don’t even 
notice, but she does…

3) Laughter Daily is Essential

4) FIGHT, don’t leave things to boil up inside, let them out.. and if it means you're sleeping on the couch, Oh Well :)

5) Be Yourself, and give this person the tools to hurt you (open up to them) and hope to god they don’t use them

6) DO NOT FORGET about the good old fashioned phenomena of DATES (yes, they still exist). If you like a girl Ask Her Out  on a DATE!! no more "yo b**ch, we datin' naw" texts… Please, I beg of you!

7) ALWAYS know your girl's favorite flower and chocolate… for when you (the guy) inevitably does something wrong and you have to get out of the "doghouse"

8) Give her your sweater (MUST DO)

Thursday 22 May 2014

The Great Cream Puff Discrepancy

I have a step mom (aka step monster) and she's not from Canada, she's actually from Europe! So she was talking about this dessert she makes "back in the homeland" and as she was explaining it SHE WAS EXPLAINING A FREAKING CREAM PUFF!!! And I kept saying "so you mean a cream puff" and she (of course) counteracted with "no no, theese ees tootally deeferent!" And then proceeded to explain a CREAM PUFF. But of course I was not victorious in this discrepancy, and still to this day, apparently she was NOT explaining a cream puff (no she can NEVER be wrong)!

...And that was my rant of the night 

Monday 5 May 2014

My Auto Class

**if somehow someone who happens to be in said auto class is reading this, (highly unlikely), I would suggest to STOP reading immediately**

AUTO CLASS

My dad is a mechanic and he has decided that I need to know how to fix my own car, (I was kinda hoping he'd just do it for me... But apparently not) so I am now in Auto class. This class is designed for people with close to half a brain cell and I like to think I have more than one brain cell... So this class is mind-numbing ly boring for me and my brain cells, the teacher pretty much gives out the answers for free, (frequently). Speaking of this teacher, of course I am the pet of said teacher (I'm a teachers pet). My supporting reasons for saying this is 
1) We have to fill out these "job sheets saying what work we have completed during that particular class and then he gives it a mark out of five depending on how well we worked that day, I wrote on this sheet "wasted my time" and "quite frankly, I did absolutely nothing to benefit my learning today" and he have me a 5/5!!!! This has led to a class I am currently getting a 99% in and I do NOTHING in it. (Actually I'm in auto right now doing nothing and  ranting to the internet about my boredom). 


(This, was Thursday's class)

Saturday 3 May 2014

LOST

This was supposed to go with Guys are the ones with the balls? Ha! but i am an idiot when it comes to computers....

JOE IS BACK

Yes, JOE is back up for your comedic viewing pleasure... I don't really care if JOE has seen it or not... So JOE, if you are currently reading this, AVERT YOUR EYES!!!

JOE.

PART ONE

INTRODUCTION
Finally! The moment you have all been waiting for (or maybe not), the post about Joe. But where to start? How about I start right at the beginning. Ok, so when 2 people love each other very very much they do a dance together that makes a baby for them. (Too early?) Ok how about instead we start at the beginning of grade 9...? Much better, Ok so at my school they have this thing that they call Grade 9 Weekend which is a night where if you're in grade 9 you sleep over at my school and you have a dance and you get to do "FUN" outdoor activities... (NOT FUN). Anyway, at this thing is where I met Joe (the theme was Olympics and we were in the same "country") At this point I just had a normal grade 9 crush on this (NOT willingly admitted) cute, kind of funny and sarcastic guy (EESH!) and I had NO IDEA where  it would put me one and a half years from then. And there was also already a problem with Joe, he was with someone (who would later become one of my friends). Then this girl (We will call her Kelly) broke up with Joe because he "cheated" on her (high school definition of cheating) and this should of been one of the MANY red flags.. but I did not pick up on it at the time.

THE BRITNEY APPROXIMATION.
Ok so. Joe one day apparently "forgot" my name in French class (yes I am Canadian and yes I am FORCED to learn French) and he decided that I looked like a Britney of all names he had to choose the sluttiest name besides Crystal or Rose or Boner Garage (We're the Millers joke). Anyway so from thereon out my name to him and my friends (and parts of my family jokingly) I was now Britney. (Still hate that name)

ABOUT A YEAR LATER...
So after a year of crushing, It was September of grade 10 and Joe was in my arts and crafts class (BEST class ever!!) and this class is where I became friends with Joe, (after he asked me for my number) and we texted and texted and texted... and it was during all this texting that I learned everything there was to know about Joe. And since I am not using Joe's real name, I can tell you all what he told me. The second (of the MANY) red flags I encountered while texting Joe was that he was not "pure" and his partner in un-purifying was 12 at the time (we will name her Sammy)… if that was not a HUGE red flag against him, I don’t know what is. (my mum is going to kill me if she reads this for not telling her).


PART TWO

November 1 2013- The Day that the S**t hit the fan.
So finally came the day that changed my life (or the day the s**t hit the fan), November 1 2013. The day that I became Joe's girlfriend. It was a normal morning after Halloween. I was tired, and was getting over a sugar hangover. I then woke up to my friend, Marley telling me that Joe told her he liked me. I, of course freaked out! (A real guy actually liked me!! Woo Hoo!) and then I remembered that Joe had a girlfriend, And just as I was pondering that, I got a text from Joe, saying: "I need to ask you something" and then it went on to me telling him I liked him and him saying that he liked me too and that he was going to break up with Sammy that morning. So I then went to school, not really knowing what was going to happen. When I got to school, I tried to avoid him as much as I could (I have no idea why, maybe my body was saying BAD IDEA by making me hide from him, yet another red flag of which I did not pay attention to. So I successfully avoided him and went to class… Next thing I know, while I'm sitting in my civics class (being bored to death) I get a text from, you guessed it: Joe. It was him asking me out over text (classy huh?) yeah so anyway I did what every 15 year old girl would've done in this particular situation. I went to the bathroom and screamed in excitement (lame I know). I then texted Marley and I am guessing she was freaking out too (nobody knows with her she could've done anything from going outside and doing some strange dance of fertility to screaming (most likely one) to maybe not even caring). Oh yeah and if you didn’t already guess, I said yes to him (BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER).

The First Kiss.
It had been a week, and we decided to go on our first real date together. So we went to his youth group (SO MUCH FUN)! And at said youth group *side note: I don’t go to church, I'm not religious at all and I think god is made up. Oh yeah and I think church people are creepily nice (like, nobody is willingly THAT nice).*  he decided that the perfect place for my first kiss would be in a dark corner of a church while playing hide and seek in the dark. (my mum is going to yet again KILL ME after she finishes reading this so if I don’t post anything else it's because I'm dead). Anyway, you probably don’t want to hear the so called "deets" so I'm not going to bore you with them.

Hickeys, Hickeys, Hickeys.
Hickeys suck (hehe). Trust me I know, I've had 5 (I think) of them. For some strange reason Joe thought they were the best things ever or something and he REALLY liked giving them to me (it felt like I was being bitten by a vampire only I had a pimply, blond 15 year old sucking on my neck and Bella had a 100-something year old gorgeous vampire  sucking on hers, NOT FAIR). By this time I was beginning to develop quite a reputation (when you are 15 walking down the hall of high school with a hickey on your neck, you get some funny sideways looks and weirdly some nods of approval from the "sluts" NOT GOOD.) This is when I started to second guess my relationship and started to weigh the pros and cons in my best interests (BORING). One last thing to add to this topic: If any of you happen to get a hickey (whether it be from a boyfriend, girlfriend, cat, yourself or a small elf you keep in your closet for some reason… Whatever Floats Your Boat) DO NOT LET ANYBODY SEE IT!!! It leads to lectures, your stepmonster offering to take you to buy condoms, eternal shame and looks of disapproval from your mother.

PART THREE

Hit The Road, Jack (or Joe)
This, the final part to the horror story of my first relationship is when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. This is when I started to come to the realization that Joe and me were over. And I knew that in the end I would be doing the breaking up…  So as I was contemplating on when, where, why and how it would happen I happened to be dealing with a lot of culminating tasks, exam preparation, I was still dealing with Joes petty problems… and on top of it all just making me THAT much more stressed was that my father had decided that I needed a stepmonster (they were getting married) WOO HOO *SO MUCH SARCASM*!! Overall at this time I was going through a lot, and even though I was Joe's 24/7 counsellor he couldn’t be bothered with helping me with my many problems. He had a way of somehow (it still to this day confuses me how exactly he did it EVERY time but he did) making all my problems related to him and I then was forced to throw a little pity party for him because apparently he  had nothing and his life sucked and blah blah blah… Again, I was thinking to myself that maybe I was a ghost or a unicorn or if I was some sort of shoe-making elf because apparently I was still NOTHING. This just gave me those last little nudges I needed to be on the edge of the theoretical cliff of dumping him (I don’t know, I'm bad at analogies).

The Last Straw.
The thing that pushed me "over the theoretical cliff of dumping him" was as you know January 9 2014. (you remember the whole attempting to kill himself with the pink belt in front of me thing right)?  And if you don’t, go read "My January." It will help to understand this thing better. Anyway, so I have been informed that I should be going into more detail with the second half of the day… So I will go into as much detail as I can recollect at this point. Ok so I left off at when I was going home to check up on his whiny ass and instead of my boyfriend I found a whimpering baby on my couch… so apparently he had "tried" (to kill himself) while he was alone. At this point I had gotten him sitting up on the couch and he could sort of talk, so I asked him why he felt he needed to and I think it was too soon and he turned into the whimpering baby again, (it's really hard to make this funny) Now I noticed that there was a "Note" (a note that people leave) on the counter and I decided I did not need to read it so I ripped it up (big mistake). When I turned around again, he was getting up and saying that "it was dark, so dark" and he was picking up the belt again, so naturally I did the only thing that came to my mind at the time and "pounced" on him so he could not get any further and he kicked and screamed and he tried to hit me a couple of times (but all those years of dodging my brother paid off here) and I was unharmed physically. I then called my mum on my cell phone and she called the police who then called me and I talked to the dispatcher pretending it was my mum so he wouldn’t get freaked out and my grandpa, of all people came. And he was *surprisingly* (he is losing his marbles) calm.  Then the police came and I can't really remember what happened next it's all blurry when I try to. So that is the story of Joe. Hope you enjoyed it! :) 

A good old classic 21st century white girl sleepover...

A 21st century white girl sleepover consists of: 

1) Bad mouthing other "chicks"
This, My friends is a classic element to any "normal" white girl sleepover... It's perfectly normal to badmouth other girls (or boys for that matter) behind their backs because in our spiteful day and age, they will probably be talking about you behind your back anyway so really, there's no real harm done in it...

2) Stuffing our faces with junk food and then immediately feeling bad about it
Junk food: the ultimate element that is  essential to attempting (emphasis on attempting) to pull and all-nighter.

3) checking on our (my group of friend's) nonexistant social lives (DEATH TO TWITTER!!!)
Social networking has actually partially destroyed the social element of sleepovers, because instead of saying "hey did you hear that frank and bobina "did it" last night?" It's now: yeah he posted an "after fornication selfie"... 

4) BOYS (or girls, whatever floats your sexual preferences boat?) 
Do I really need to explain this one?

Friday 2 May 2014

Mathematics

This post is going to be my thoughts an veiwpoints on the subject of MATH, so any math geeks reading this, avert your eyes now! 

MATH is the devil in my eyes, it is the worst possible thing I could ever be made to do in life... I don't like that English (the holy grail of my happiness) got seduced by math one day and then had a baby named algebra, it's just not right. Also, if someone could tell me a rational time in my life when I'll need to find the slope of a line, bring this magical (nonexistent) time to my attention please. 
Most people in my school and group of friends like this horrid passtime called math and they'd prefer it over the gorgeous subject of English (traitors) this, I don't understand because without English we'd all be illiterate blobs still grunting at each other... Math however is not as useful, without math we probably couldn't do taxes, (but who likes taxes) we couldn't buy things (WOO HOO FREE STUFF!!) and it would prevent the money issues in the world (nobody would have or even heard of this horrible thing called money, or debt, or depression). Math, overall is my enemy.. We are in a love- hate relationship and I'm done always solving it's problems! (Seriously it's got more problems than I do... And that's a lot!) 

Tuesday 15 April 2014

I'm not dead, don't worry...

I am not dead, (yay?) I just haven't been "feeling" the writing "juice" coming and I'm not really happy with any of the pre/ prepared posts I have. So trust me, I am working on some posts but they all suck as of now... And I cannot stand how bad they are. 


Monday 31 March 2014

The Fly that just WON'T DIE

Have you ever hated someone so much that you would do almost anything to get them to LEAVE YOU ALONE? I have that person in my life too, so as I do with all my problems... I'm going to tell random strangers on the Internet about it :) 

Today's problem is: (as the title suggests) is The Fly that just WON'T DIE. 
(Figuratively) I have smacked, sprayed, clobbered, smashed, pounded, pinched, skewered, and "annihilated" This fly but it JUST WONT LEAVE ME ALONE AND DIE ALREADY!!! I have tried everything people told me to do to get rid of said "fly"... I have broken up with it, I have ignored it, I have tried to be polite and just remove myself from situations with it in them.. But I will give this fly one thing, he is a persistent little bugger! He will not leave me alone I mean, it's been 2 MONTHS since I "smacked, sprayed, clobbered, smashed, pounded, pinched, skewered, and annihilated" this fly but it just keeps buzzing in my ear. And if any of you have ever had a fly or a wing-ed bug (or insect) in or around your ear it is one of the most ANNOYING things in the world. And that is exactly how it feels to be me right now with this fly that won't die it's one of the most annoying things on this earth to me (I say one of because I have a younger brother who is the MOST annoying things on this earth to me). But this fly *excuse my French* is getting pretty f**king close.. 

Anyway, the main point of all this "fly that just won't die" business is pretty much because I need someone other than my poor saint-like (for listening to me complain and drag them down with me) friends to blabber to. And because I kept getting complaints that I haven't posted in a while. So that's it for now...

Thursday 27 March 2014

I'm sorry

I have taken JOE: PART 1,  JOE: PART 2 and JOE: PART 3 down... To say the least, JOE read them :) So I am sorry if anybody (all I my 3 "followers") liked them...

Sunday 9 March 2014

Why Gingers are the Superior Humans.

Carrot Top, Ginger, Redhead. These are just 3 of the many nicknames gingers have been called. Being a ginger is  neither a curse nor a blessing. It is a unique experience to say the least. Being a ginger means that you are already from an infant subjected to ridicule from boring people who just wish that they could have your beautiful copper locks. It also means that you are inherently special, only 2% of the WORLD's population has the same orange puffball that they call hair as you. This copper color of hair is also an old lady magnet, (seriously I can't go anywhere without some old lady of whom I've never met before caressing my hair and telling me to never dye it and that it is a gift from god (more like a curse from Hades).

How to tell if someone is a TRUE ginger.
If someone is lucky enough to be blessed with the curse of having red hair (or if they are just a wannabe), there are some telltale signs if they're faking it or not. First, look for the FRECKLES, Freckles are a definite quality all redheads (or every real one I've met) has. Second, The pale skin. Every redhead has unnaturally pale skin and an inability to tan (It really is quite bothersome when you are on the beach in the summer and you are whiter than the clouds). A third defining although iffy quality is if they have fuzzy, curly huge hair.. some VERY LUCKY redheads have naturally straight hair, but most have completely fuzzy, frizzy, curly out of control hair and it never does what the person who has it wants it to do (look nice, or presentable at the least)

Gingers and their… Quirks.
Gingers are commonly known to be well, CRAZY!!! And in my case, it is 100% true. I am an absolute nut job. At one point I was debating with my brother on how Tim Hortons was like potatoes (potato aliens to be exact). I also have been known to speak in various accents (Southern, English, German, some sort of European thing) when I am over- tired.

Why I hate South Park (gasp)
I have never watched the show South Park and I probably never will, I won't because that show started the holiday KICK A GINGER DAY. Which is a whole day in which to celebrate it, you kick a ginger and this is a real thing… trust me there's a website and everything: kick-a-ginger-day.com

Ginger Stereotypes:
Gingers are known for many things ranging from being unbelievably geeky nerds (most likely stereotype) to in the odd case, for ginger women and men being sex gods. Yes, gingers can be both of these things but so can every other hair coloured person in the world if they want to (except for the sex gods thing, that is reserved specifically for gingers… Sorry!) Fiery temper also being a very prominent stereotype (which might I add is TRUE! so for any ginger "haters" out there, I would watch my back if I were you). Gingers are almost always in movies or anything really on TV, they are nerdy characters. This is unfair in my opinion. Gingers may be smart but that does not mean we always must be pinned as "the nerd". So many gingers are also perceived as weird, so think about it if you are or when you were in high school, how many redheads in your school had or have boyfriends\girlfriends?? not many right? This is due to the fact that because of television, we are perceived to either be extreme nerds, extremely creepy or just complete sociopaths.

Overall I really am proud to be a ginger, and even though having my orange puffball I call hair can be a tumultuous experience, I love it and I couldn’t think=k of having any other hair colour (although I have always wanted to see what I would look like as a blonde… (not really))

 
See? what did i tell you? ALWAYS THE NERDS!!!


Wednesday 5 March 2014

How it feels to get hit by a TRUCK

I know how it feels to get hit by a truck. I know what you're thinking... You are probably a little confused and maybe even worried (probably not that last one, I'm some random blogger you've never met and probably never will). It might help to say that "I have been hit by a truck" in my vocabulary, means I'm sick and I FEEL as though I've been hit by a truck. It is a figure of speech that I use (because I am an extremely over emotional, over compensating and DRAMATIC teenager... Sounds normal right)? And as of right now I feel as though I have been hit by a giant-ass Mack truck going 3000000  kmh (again with the DRAMA)... So in other words, I'm sick and I've got me a serious case of the sniffles (Excuse the hick-ness of that sentence). We all know how when your sick and you feel like Satan is about to come soon and take you to hell and that would still feel better than how you're currently feeling. Anyway, back to the truck system as I call it does have a range. My sick-ness could range from a children's wagon running over my toe to Bigfoot running straight into my forehead at full speed (for all you normal people out there.. Bigfoot is NOT a mythical creature in this case but a monster truck with GIANT wheels, search it up on google if you really want to know...) And that-that-that's all folks! (Really bad impression of the Looney Tunes ending)

Tuesday 4 March 2014

Marlee

I have a friend. (Surprise!) To say the least she's interesting... She is named after a trouble- making dog and her last name is disgusting. 

MARLEE'S CRUSHING BI-POLARITY....
Marlee, is a talented soul in crushing on guys... She has had a crush at some point about almost every guy at our school probably and she changes her mind almost as much as I do. (She's gonna KILL ME) Marlee has a talent when it comes to having a crush on a guy (experience is KEY here ladies...) she also has some creepy ass spidey senses... She can "sense" a guy she likes around her from like 15 feet away... (Seriously... It's some creepy s**t!!!)

"Big Boobs"
A defining feature about Marlee is that... She has... Ummm... Large Endowments (big boobs) and this is her defining feature (when you are trying to explain her to someone) you say "big boobs" or "the Jewish one" and for some reason everybody knows who you're talking about... 

Marlee and her CODE NAMES
Marlee as you know, has a lot of crushes. She also likes to give "code names" to her (and my) crushes... It's either helpful or just plain annoying... (Mostly annoying) Some recent code names were: "Person Person" "Rib" and "Farmer" (yes these are what we actually used) 

ROMANCE ANYONE? 
Marlee is a sucker for romance... She will "Awwww" at every second word a couple says, or trying to read Shakespeare with her?? Have fun... Or at sleepovers when she is a little tired, high (on candy) and feeling a little lonely all she can do is "Awwww"... Marlee is not currently winning in the love lottery at the time.. So any single guys?? Huh? Huh?? (Come on, her defining feature is "big boobs" you know you want to get yourselves some o' THAT!!) 

...The TERRIFYING 
Usually Marlee's name and Terrifying aren't anywhere near each other in a sentence but in this context the are... When I first met Marlee (at a grade 7 orientation thingy) I was so scared of her... I guess it was because she was loud and crazy so I couldn't handle THAT much awesomeness in one person at the time. 

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER SHARE A HOTEL ROOM WITH MARLEE: 
Let's just say that somehow every time I share a room with Marlee she ends up having some issues and then she becomes naked (no lesbian-ness going on in said "issues")

My Sappiness:
Ok I'm about to get all sappy on yo' butts... Marlee really is one of my best friends, she is funny, beautiful (guys?), helps me with my *multiple* problems (JOE) and even though she may not see it all the time I really do appreciate her and everything she does for me. 

Wednesday 26 February 2014

The Volleyball Theory.

Don't you hate it when someone you like is with someone? Or if one of your best friends likes them too? I, also have similar feelings towards this particular situation (long, fancy way of saying "I do too"). This is the worst feeling, when you are head over heels for someone and you find out that they're dating someone (and if you're anything like me.. your first instinct is "how can I kill her and make it look like an accident")? It makes everything 1000000 times worse (a small exaggeration) when "the other girl" is prettier, funnier, sportier and more popular than you. This is when I wish that the volleyball theory came in. The volleyball theory (for those who have been living under a rock) is that if you "liked" a guy, you could yell "MINE" and all of the other b**hes would BACK OFF. This would make crushes SO much easier. For example, let's say you like this guy, you (somehow theoretically) yell MINE and everyone else backs off, then if "he" (somehow theoretically) yells MINE on you, you know he likes you. Therefore taking all of the "Does he like me?" stuff out of the way... PERFECT SOCIETY!!! 

Haters gonna hate :)

I have recently been told that some people think I'm saying too much about myself on this blog... But that's what it's for to complain about my life with.. So you know who you are.. I really couldn't give less than a donkeys behind about what you think, I'm gonna keep doing this how I'm doing it and if u don't like it, well then stop reading!! Hahaha